by Franco Martinez
(This article features reflections on BOSS24, reachAbility’s emotional management program that is offered to individuals with ADHD who are currently facing conflict with the law. For more information on BOSS24 or to refer a client into the program, please visit reachability.org/boss24)
Running a program like BOSS24 means working with individuals who often don’t want to be there, people who have been mandated by the court or referred by external agencies. And in every cohort, there’s usually one person who makes it abundantly clear that they don’t believe in what we’re doing.
One particular session stands out in my memory. A participant, let’s call him “J,” had been court-mandated to attend the program. From the moment he walked in, he made it clear he wasn’t here to learn—he was here to challenge everything I had to say.
At one point in the session, I explained:
“It’s important to understand what you are feeling so you can address the need it is expressing to you.”
J immediately shot back, “Why am I supposed to be accountable for what I feel? No one has to know what I feel as long as I don’t act out on it.”
His comments weren’t just disagreements, they felt like attacks, like attempts to poke holes in every concept we covered. And it wasn’t just directed at me, his energy was starting to affect the rest of the group. Other participants grew uncomfortable, hesitant to engage, and reluctant to share. The atmosphere in the room shifted, and suddenly, it wasn’t just about his resistance anymore. It was about keeping the integrity of the session for everyone.
So, what do you do in that moment? When someone is challenging the very foundation of your work, when they refuse to engage, when their presence threatens the group’s progress—how do you move forward?
You fall back on experience. You trust the process.
I knew the program worked. I’d seen it work for many clients. I believed in it. So, I did the only thing I could: I modeled the very skills I was teaching.
Instead of pushing back, I used active listening. I reflected his words, labeled his emotions, and shifted my responses from “why” to “how so?”—a subtle but powerful shift that encourages exploration rather than defensiveness.
And then, something changed.
His challenges started evolving. They weren’t just attempts to discredit the program anymore; they became genuine, insightful questions. His skepticism turned into curiosity and engagement. He went from attacking the material to illustrating its points with sharp, thought-provoking questions.
The group noticed. The energy shifted. The discomfort faded.
But there was something deeper happening beneath the surface, something that I’ve come to realize is common in these situations. Many of the clients who push back the hardest have spent years feeling unheard. They’ve been told, directly or indirectly, that no one is listening, that their experiences and emotions don’t matter. Over time, they stop trying. They learn that the only way to engage is to fight back, to challenge, to resist. And when they enter a space like BOSS24, where they’re suddenly met with active listening, validation, and a space to be understood, it can feel unsettling, even unfair. Because it contradicts everything they’ve learned about how the world works.
Seen in that light, their resistance makes sense. If life has taught you that no one listens, why would you expect this to be any different?
By the end of the program, J didn’t just tolerate being there, he engaged and actively participated. He faced and overcame his fears of being ignored and having his opinions disregarded. And that’s the thing about resistance: it often masks the very thing we are most afraid to face.
BOSS24 isn’t about forcing change. It’s about reminding folks that change is possible, and the skills and resources to achieve that change are within reach. Often the hardest clients, the ones who resist the most, are the ones who end up growing the most.
If you work in behavioral change, coaching, or facilitation, you know that resistance isn’t the enemy. It’s part of the process. And when you stand firm in your knowledge and approach, the breakthroughs happen. Not just for the individuals, but for the entire group.
