by Markus Fortune
Growing up, I was always picking and selling blueberries in the summertime. You could find blueberries with ease no matter where you looked. Wild blueberries are considered very resilient plants; they can grow in soil that has been left scorched as well as other harsh growing conditions. Much like blueberries, humans also seem to find the spirit of growth and improvement when spring approaches. Resilience and growth go hand in hand. If you want to grow, you need to bounce back. As well, if you want to bounce back, you may need to grow. Resilience is our ability to build ourselves back up after harsh times. I would like to explore ways you can boost your resilience through tending to the roots of that resilience: your mindset, your self-talk, and your curiosity to learn.
Your mindset can and will guide you in your ability to bounce back when life knocks you down. Growth and fixed mindsets are two ways we often frame what we see and that influence how we interact with the world around us. As in the word, a growth mindset presents itself as an urge to grow and improve, whereas a fixed mindset is more constraining. A fixed mindset could present itself in a way where we feel comfortable where we are and we feel any step outside of that comfort zone would be scary. In my own experience, I’ve had a fixed mindset with regards to employment. In my previous job, I always wanted to move from that job to another. But I was also feeling an important element that keeps people from moving from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset: fear.
Wanting to grow and improve is a good feeling, but can be terrifying when we are about to make that growth a reality. When I was wanting to change careers, I felt that I had placed myself in a box where I became comfortable. Comfort can be a great thing, but it can also become a safe space to house fear. Moving from a growth mindset to a fixed mindset can be simple, but may feel unnatural. Being resilient with a fixed mindset is constraining due to feeling unable to step out of your comfort zone to seek needed support. With a growth mindset, we feel more comfortable reaching out for help and learning new coping methods that help us bounce back during tough times. Growing and getting back up is much easier when we are open to the different ways we can make that happen for ourselves, and when we can overcome our fear just enough to ask for help.
Changing our mindset can take time, but some simple practices can help. Paying close attention to our self-talk and staying curious are easy and simple ways to initiate a move into a growth mindset. Self-talk can be presented in negative and positive ways. Saying things either out loud or to ourselves like “I can’t do that” or “I am so stupid” is the kind of negative self-talk that makes building resilience difficult. On the other hand, starting to address yourself more positively when you are so used to expressing mostly negative self-talk can feel unnatural and difficult. If you are having a hard time adopting new positive self-talk habits, you can start small. Start with one positive statement for yourself. (It does not matter if you initially believe the statement or not.) Our brains need time to process and learn new ways of thinking and new habits of positive self-talk are no different. Starting with one statement such as “I’m trying my best” or “this didn’t work out, but I am glad I tried” are good examples of statements we can begin using to speak more positively about ourselves. Being resilient is difficult when we are used to speaking negatively about ourselves. Getting back up feels easier when we have a habit of cutting ourselves some slack. If the process of positive self-talk feels uncomfortable or uneasy, try writing the statement down or saying it to yourself in your head. This way, the statements are truly to yourself.
Self-talk and the way we do it is a first step into being curious with ourselves. Asking questions and staying curious are great ways to see other perspectives and ways of thinking. Something as simple as wondering how something works or asking someone about themselves is a great way to practice curiosity. From a sociological perspective, staying curious allows us to unpack what we are seeing and why and how each part is useful. For example, when we see a strong and connected community, we can look at each part of that community individually and see how each aspect contributes to that community. Staying curious can also aid us in noticing what is not working. We can apply the same way of thinking to ourselves as individuals to help us feel like we can handle the challenges that may come our way.
With each of these three roots of resilience kept sturdy and healthy through regularly considering our mindset, practicing positive self-talk, and remembering to stay curious, we prepare ourselves for life’s harsher seasons so we can thrive again when spring returns. And when your roots are feeling scorched, remember that just like the blueberries you too will come back stronger than ever in your time.
