by Alex Mansfield
Shaking Things Up
No matter what stage you are in life, new places can be daunting. A new job, a new house, a new country. In my case, I had all three at the same time.
Moving from mild London to icy Nova Scotia during a snowstorm certainly didn’t make things any easier. Which brings me to my first tips:
Timing is Important (but not always in our control)
Ideally, we should try to make changes at times of least resistance. For example, moving to Nova Scotia in the summer would cause less issues than the winter. However, life is not ideal and timings are often out of our control. Sometimes you just need to make the leap. In these situation its best to:
Do Your Research
Find out as much as you can about the place you are going and bumps in the road you might face. This could be from government websites, weather reports or even online forums and community chats. No information is too broad or too small to help you out. It will also help calm your anxiety as you will start shifting into a more proactive, problem solving mentality; which in turn will boost your confidence and help you:
Remain Flexible
This will be essential to adapting to any curve balls that come your way. Things never work out exactly like you’ve visualized – life would be no fun if they did!
Settling into a new place is inevitably exhausting. It certainly was for me. Every day can seem like an endless slog of form filling, applications, admin and confusion. This coupled with other factors like home-sickness, financial pinches, and isolation can quickly result in a slump of motivation. There are few things that can help you here:
Support Networks
This could be family or old groups, or new friends and colleagues you meet; preferably a mix of both. It may seem an obvious point, but when all those challenges are squeezing us, it can be easy to forget the importance of simply reaching out to people. It can also be an invaluable way to help you solve problems, find shortcuts and generally blow off some steam. On a more personal level, it’s also useful to:
Take Everything One Task At A Time
Again, this may seem like an obvious point, but it’s an easy one to overlook. When we’re daunted by an ever-growing to-do list, we can end up feeling overwhelmed and unsure where to begin. This can often be the result of unrealistic expectations – wanting everything to be sorted and out the way now. We have to accept that new beginnings can be tedious. We have to practice patience in these times and focus on ticking off one task at a time. Don’t forget to congratulate yourself as you go along and celebrate your progress. Keep in mind the end result. It might be annoying now, but soon you won’t even remember this part. It will be worth it!
So, what about starting a new job?
I found myself in this situation only 3 weeks ago. That job happened to be right here at reachAbility. I couldn’t have wished for a more welcoming onboarding, being given plenty of support, kindness, and adjustment time. However, no matter how much effort a new job puts in to helping you adjust, there will still be some degree of initial discomfort. For example, feeling nervous. When this happens, remember:
Being Nervous Is A Good Sign – It Means You Care
We tend to associate nervousness entirely with negativity, and that’s understandable as it is indeed an uncomfortable feeling. However, try to dig deeper into why you feel nervous. Often you find it stems from wanting to do a good job, wanting to fit in, wanting to grow. These are all good intentions and can serve as encouraging reminders. Trust that other people will see that too. This is not to say we shouldn’t try to counteract and challenge our nervousness, however. A few great ways to do this is are to:
Remember Everyone Has Been In The Same Situation
I was lucky enough to start my job at the same time as my colleague Nick. This was a great support in feeling less alienated as a “newbie”. Even if you’re not fortunate enough to start with others, it’s worth remembering that everyone, no matter how long they’ve been there, once had a first day. They know how it feels. This also applies to our clients attending courses. We’ve all been the “newbie” at one point or another. We remember how it feels. Trust in people’s empathy. They know what you’re going through.
Be Confident In The Abilities That Have Brought You To Where You Are (and be optimistic about things you still need to develop)
Imposter syndrome is defined as the “uncomfortable feeling you experience when you think you’re unqualified or incompetent”. Regardless of how confident or successful someone might seem, we’re all susceptible to this feeling – particularly when we’re taking on a new challenge. This is perfectly normal, and again, can be a sign we really care about doing a good job. However, we have to remind ourselves that we have been given our opportunities for a reason, they don’t just fall out of the sky. Being confident and proud of your abilities does not mean you’re arrogant or think you’re better than anyone else – it’s simply recognizing the fruits of your hard work and the gifts you have been given. It doesn’t matter how seemingly small those abilities or achievements might be. Likewise, we have to be confident in our weaknesses. Maybe there are aspects you are “unqualified” for – but now is the best time to get qualified!
Think Less About What You Can Get And More About What You Can Offer
Self-reflection and introspection are entirely necessary when going through big changes, but sometimes we can spend too long ruminating on ourselves. This might cause us to feel more isolated or overwhelmed. A good way to address this is with a simple shift of perception.
Rather than thinking “what can I get?”, try thinking “what can I offer?”. Instead of “how do I feel?”, it helps to ask “how do they feel?”.
This simple shift can not only give us a break from our own busy thoughts, but also can create connections and form relationships. Not only will you be more proactive in helping others, but the sense of purpose that acts of service can give us cannot be understated. This is going to help overcome that nervousness and build your confidence.
As a program facilitator, this is a fundamental point to remind myself of. If I had to stand in front of a classroom of people and was only thinking about myself – I couldn’t do it. I’d be far too nervous. I’d be unmotivated. I wouldn’t even know what to say. Instead, whenever I stand in front of class, I think: “what do they need to feel comfortable?”, “what do they want to learn?”, “how do they want to learn?” and, not forgetting, “what can i learn from them?”
Over the past three weeks, I’ve been reminded first hand of the power of all these simple tips.
Yet the truth is that there is no quick fix. We’re all creatures of habit and routine, so any shake up of that is always going to carry with it some uncomfortable feelings. Ultimately, you’ll need to allow yourself some grace and let these things settle on their own. Before you know it, those feelings will be a distant memory. That’s a good sign you’ve grown as a person and have begun a new chapter.
